Health News and Information

Think not ‘Will he/she respect me in the morning?’, rather, think ‘Will I respect myself in the morning?’ This may sound like an old presidential speech, but it does adapt well. What matters most is that you have a clear understanding of your own beliefs and morals and that your decisions are based on those, rather than relying entirely on the reflection of how someone else is going to feel about you. This all gets down to self-esteem or how important you think your rights are.

One of the assumptions we make as a society is that it is always the boy making the approach or suggestion, and the girl who is placed in the position of having to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Traditionally society has not made it easy for boys to say ‘no’ to the opportunity to have sex, although in many respects they too might not feel as if they want to. Peer pressure is very difficult to resist and it is a major factor in many first experiences.

Sam said, ‘I really didn’t feel like I was doing the right thing at the time. I was nearly seventeen and all my friends made out that they had been doing it for ages and I just felt left out. It was all pretty quick and I must say it felt like a bit of an anticlimax. I suppose it was a relief to get the first time out of the way.’
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There are also medical reasons for avoiding unprotected intercourse at a young age. Until you fully understand how not to get pregnant and how not to catch a sexually transmitted disease, you face the risk of both. Many young people don’t understand the finer points of conception, like the fact that you can get pregnant before you have your first period, and that sperm can be released from the penis before the man ejaculates. Teenage pregnancies are more risky than older age groups too, for both the mother and the baby.

Abortion is not an easy option. Apart from the emotional trauma of the whole situation, you may well have personal or religious objections that make it difficult or impossible.

If you and your partner agree that you will not have intercourse it can help you to relax knowing the boundaries are in place and you can slowly discover your sexual responses and develop trust in the relationship until you both feel ready. Agreeing to delay intercourse until it feels right for both of you will also enable you to protect each other from going further than one of you feels you can cope with.
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Rubella is most common amongst schoolchildren under the age of 13 years. It is often a very mild illness in young children, and may pass unrecognised. It is only serious if a woman contracts rubella in the early stages of pregnancy, where it may cause abnormalities of the newborn baby.

Cause

Rubella is caused by a virus which is spread through personal contact, or by coughing and sneezing.

Clinical features

The incubation period is from 2-3 weeks, and the child is infectious for about a week after the appearance of the rash. The onset of the illness is rather like a mild cold, with slight fever or sore throat and enlarged lymph glands in the neck. The characteristic rash then appears 2-3 days later. It starts on the face and then spreads to the trunk. Initially the spots are pale pink, and gradually merge to form patches. The rash only lasts for a few days and then disappears completely.

Treatment

There is no specific treatment for rubella, aside from the relief of symptoms. Paracetamol can be given according to directions for fever. Keep your child at home until the illness has well and truly passed, to avoid infecting others.

Prevention

Routine immunisation against rubella is given to children in combination with the measles and mumps vaccine. Girls are reimmunised at around 14 years of age.

Children who have a rubella infection MUST be kept away from pregnant women, as the virus can severely harm the foetus if the woman catches it.

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“Would you die or have a baby if you ate sperm?”

No, you wouldn’t die and the only way a woman can have a baby is by having sperm go in through the vagina when the man puts his penis inside the vagina. Sperm is not dirty and can’t hurt you at all, but it joins with eggs to cause babies, so you should never let sperm go in the vagina unless you are ready to have and raise a baby.

    ”How can sperm swim? Do they have fins?”

Well, they have something better. Each one has a little tail that goes very, very fast so they can go up to the egg. Even if the sperm go on the outside of the vagina, some could get into the vagina, so you should never take a chance with sperm near the vagina.

    ”Why do some people take babies out too early and kill them?”

Nobody ever really wants to kill a baby. Sometimes, but not often, a baby does not get made quite right and the nesting place takes the not-finished baby, called a fetus, out of the mother. Sometimes some people who did not want a baby stop it from growing in the nesting place after the sperm and egg met. That is what an abortion is. The not-yet-finished baby, the fetus, really doesn’t look like a real baby because it was still getting made, just like a seed starting to grow does not look too much like a flower. Some people feel it is okay to stop the growth early because they don’t want a baby, and some people feel it is never right to do that.

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I don’t fantasize. I’m sure I don’t. Everyone talks about that, but I can’t do it and I never have. I just think about holding, being close, warm, intensely in love with my husband, just alone together, becoming more together, more in love, more turned on with each other. I think about that a lot, but I don’t fantasize.

WIFE

The early sexual perspectives saw fantasy related specifically to physical and genital imagery. Questions in the research protocols were about “physical turn-ons,” typically leading questions from the point of view of the male researcher. It is a fact that everyone fantasizes. Women fantasize, men fantasize, children fantasize. Sexual fantasy is the mental rehearsal of the love map, including some new paths that I described earlier, and relates much more to the individual experience of that love map than it does to gender. Here are two fantasies from the couples. See if you can tell which is a husband and which is a wife.

“I can see it in my mind even while we are doing it. My partner goes down on me while somebody is kissing me and somebody else is rubbing me all over. Then all three do everything to me. Then I do it to each one of them alone.”

“I see an image of the two of us embraced, close, kissing deeply. A candle is nearby, and our shadow is on the wall. The kiss becomes more and more intimate, and I come just by kissing.”

The first fantasy is that of a wife, the second was reported by a husband. You have already learned about the sexual similarities between men and women, so you probably expected the unexpected in this example, but most spouses reported the first as male, the second as female and were surprised to learn that personal and relationship development had more to do with sexual imagery than gender.

I discovered that it was more meaningful to ask about “sexual images” than fantasy. Some spouses were raised to censor the fantasy process but would readily discuss a set of mental images. It was as if the image was something to be “viewed” from a safe distance, while fantasy was something one participated in and therefore wrong. I explored not only individual imagery but “marital imagery,” asking couples to create and continually modify their collective sexual images. Here is one example.

“My wife is naked with me on a tropical island,” reported the husband. The wife is then asked to provide the next image. “We walk hand and hand in the warm sun and gentle breeze,” she reported. “We stop to shower in a warm, refreshing waterfall, and the water hitting us seems to arouse us,” reported the husband. “I notice his erection and touch it, begin to kiss it,” shares the wife. “I caress her breasts and run my hands through her hair,” shares the husband. The imagery assignment continued until the husband stated, “That’s about all we want to say in this session.” The wife added, “Good-bye, and we will leave you to finish this up with your own images.” Perhaps you and your spouse can take their imagery from here and develop your own scenes. Remember, images have no gender. You together are the producers, directors, and cast of this I-rated (intimacy-rated) movie.

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I have tried for years to make our marriage one long affair. Well, you know what? She had ended up having an affair all right, but not with me.

HUSBAND

Super Marital Sex Rule: Never try to make your marriage an affair. Affairs are short, intense, immature imitations of love that is only possible in lasting, mature relationships. Intensity, newness, and variety are culturally learned values that cannot compete with the predictability, sameness, and comfort of super marital sex. We must unlearn the negative connotations of these last three terms.

Type I extramarital sex is sex outside of marriage. Type II extramarital sex is the attempt to make an affair out of your marriage, to use affairs as the model of true joy so that marriage must live up to the “sexpectations” of affairs. It is the attempt to put sex “outside” of day-to-day marital living, to buy the latest sex toys, sneak away on vacations, schedule candlelight dinners, and dress in the most erotic clothing. Couples trying for this extramarital sex Type II end up with “separate marital sex,” a lack of closeness and trust in an effort to create a relationship within a relationship. You cannot have an affair with someone you love, but you can have super marital sex that takes place within the entire life system, not separate from it.

I offer a special invitation to single persons to join this “quest for intimacy.” Legal, cultural, sociological, familial, financial commitments that accompany marriage, in our society provide a framework for formalizing the unity necessary for the super marital sex you will be reading about. There are many aspects of super marital sex, however, that apply to those persons who are not, cannot, or choose not to marry. This model offers an alternative for single, widowed and divorced persons, for anyone who desires a standard of sexual intimacy based on commitment, trust, and the potential for personal and relationship growth beyond physical closeness. I suggest that we have more to learn from prolonged intimacy evolving from within a mutually fulfilling love system than from the use of sex as a means for finding someone to love. Marrying is a healthier model for loving and sex than “mating,” because it can provide for an adaptive all-inclusive style for true “living together.”

I am suggesting in super marital sex a new model for intimacy, a new course objective for our culture’s sex education, a new priority, a choosing of intimacy. The AIDS crisis should not frighten us into fidelity. We should celebrate the potential of fidelity, its capacity for a super sex where the super means whole, lasting, comforting, fulfilling.

The husband and wife who were given a second chance had never given their marriage a chance to grow into something very special. They had allowed their marriage to become de-eroticized. Has this happened to your marriage? Check the ways this happened to the thousand couples.

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Obsessions and phobias are often considered together, as both stem from anxiety.

The obsessional personality may, in its milder forms, be an asset in our society. It can lead its owner to have what appears to be strength of character, a well-developed sense of duty, conscientiousness and to be a hard worker.

If carried to excess, it may make its owner cold, rigid, inhibited and repressed.

The obsessional person has difficulty in handling his own aggression and this hostility is then repressed.

His troubles often stem from unresolved childhood conflicts between obedience and defiance; from fear of authority; and the development of a rigid, conforming attitude with an obsession for neatness and orderliness.

Because for the unresolved conflicts the obsessional person develops anxiety and can control it only by seeking order and attempting to control everything around him.

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Angiography is the procedure of inserting a needle into the femoral artery in the groin and injecting a radio-opaque dye. X-rays are taken as the dye flows down the arteries with the blood and outlines the arterial tree. Narrowing or blocking can be seen.

An ultrasound probe may also be used. This employs the Doppler effect. If you remember the physics you learned at school, you may understand how it works.

An ultrasonic signal is beamed into the artery and the reflected beam picked up and converted into an audible signal. The pitch of the sound varies with the velocity of the blood flow and can show narrowing or blocking.

If the disease is widespread, involving most of the arteries, operation may not be possible.

The femoral artery is the one most usually involved and is often blocked at about its middle. It is possible to bypass the localised blockage by taking a vein, usually the long saphenous vein that runs from the groin to the ankle, and joining it to the artery above and below the block.

It is possible to use synthetic material in place of the vein but it appears that the vein graft gives better long-term results.

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