Will My Being Optimistic and Positive Make Me Feel Worse If I Do End Up Having a Recurrence in the future?
Being diagnosed with recurrent cancer brings a traumatic, emotional, difficult time under any circumstances. There is no way to prepare for recurrence or soften the blow if it happens. If you are like most people, thinking things will be bad before you receive the diagnosis of recurrence does not make it easier to hear the news. Nor does expecting good news worsen the blow when you find out you have cancer again. The blow may feel a little different, but you face a difficult time no matter what you expected before the diagnosis.
The recurrence scare is part of cancer survivorship. Overall, the scares far outnumber the actual recurrences. It tends to be adaptive and healthy to believe you are okay unless there is proof to the contrary, as long as you take the right steps to find out for sure.
Should I Make Plans Now in Case I Get a Recurrence?
It is very rare for a recurrence to come up totally unexpectedly and then so to incapacitate you that you have little time to make adjustments or plans. Usually there are warning signs that things may not be going well, such as a suspicious test result at your follow-up or a symptom that builds gradually. You can deal with the specifics of job, school, and child care when you have to. It will be hard for you and the people around you to feel secure in your health if you are always making contingency plans for a potential recurrence.
Important plans such as wills and long-term child care arrangements are best settled now if not already settled. These responsibilities should be met by everyone whether or not there is a cancer history.
Funeral arrangements and last letters to family and friends are common concerns of survivors. Getting these details out of the way unburdens some people and frees them to forget about their cancer. For others, these acts carry too much subconscious weight, sealing their sad fate in their minds. Do what feels right to you, and then explain it to those involved so that they can understand and support you.
What If I Seem to Be Fearful of Everything, Not just Recurrence?
You may feel fearful about everything. Every car trip represents a potential accident, every stranger a potential robber or rapist, every sunny day a potential exposure to dangerous rays, and every playground slide or swing a potential head injury for your child.
The world is not more dangerous than it was before you had cancer; it just seems more dangerous because you got hurt. Since disaster happened once, you feel that it can happen again. You can picture doctor visits and hospitals too easily, making imaginary scenarios more real. You feel very vulnerable.
This is a normal part of recovery. With time, these fears will lessen and you will feel almost, if not quite, as safe as you did before your cancer experience. Recognize where your fears come from. For the short term avoid situations that make you anxious, as long as this behavior does not interfere with your important responsibilities or have a detrimental effect on others. Avoiding anxiety-producing situations will enable you to regain a sense of control and safety again.
If you are afraid to drive on the expressway, take alternative routes. If you feel afraid when a friend invites you to try a new sport or activity, take a rain check. If you are afraid to eat certain foods, arrange your diet accordingly. You will start doing these things when you are ready.
Sometimes it is best to just face the fear and thus eliminate it. If you go ahead and drive on the expressway, you can then say, “I did it,” and banish the fear. Depending on what it is you fear, how you feel, and how you like to tackle problems, you can use your judgment to decide when to avoid something and when to tackle it. If you find you cannot function at all normally or if you have significant tearfulness that does not lessen with time, get some help dealing with it.
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